A small part of me wouldn't mind getting swine flu (or regular flu) for that matter.  I really think it's the only relatively harmless way I could get people to stop expecting things of me, get some sleep, not wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours thinking about everything that's going wrong, for a few days, at least.

For the record, I'm not trying to get sick.  I am all about the hand washing and anti-bacterial gel.  I am not getting a flu shot, but I never have before, either.

***

In happy-yet-related-to-my-misery news, I think I've found my life's calling (aka, what I want to research for my thesis and could actually see myself committing to researching for the rest of my life/get my PhD/become known for.)  Seeing as I've spent the last 9 or 10 years trying to figure out what I'm passionate about, I'm pretty damn exciting about it, even if it was kind of obvious and is boring to most people.  It's communication - specifically, communication as it relates to everything that goes on in an organization: performance feedback, organizational commitment, perceived organizational justice, organizational identity, information flow and efficiency, conflict and resolution...the list goes on and on.  I'm in the middle of coming up with a proprietary system for interdisciplinary pain management providers who are co-treating patients to develop and communicate treatment plans with the patient and each other (the latter of which is more difficult, as it were.)  There is a bit of research out there, but not on practice models like the one I'm in, which is becoming a more prevalent model in this changing health care landscape.

That may have just been an introductory statement for my thesis proposal.  Huh.

I broke a glass on my rug.  Since it's carpet I can't sweep it, and I lost my Dustbuster charger during the move, so I put a towel over the area after I picked up the shards so I can still walk around without the fear of glass in my foot until I buy a new vacuum solution.

It's been 8 days.  In 8 days I have been too busy working, going to class, being at events, answering emails, planning meetings, traveling, teaching, grading, meeting, consulting, mentoring, writing, and studying to purchase something with which to suck glass out of my rug.

I am taking Sunday "off," and my biggest fear is that I will be too tired/unmotivated/needing to stay in bed all day to even go out to solve this problem.

I'm so busy that I look at school as a social event.
I'm so busy my boss is offering to grocery shop for me and giving me a raise.
I'm so busy I can only fall asleep after my alarm clock goes off. (I had a whole comedy routine about this in my head this morning.)

The thing is, I'm really happy (albeit exhausted), and I really just need another me to be tending to the laundry, dry cleaning and dishes, calling my friends, and running to train for that theoretical 10k in two weeks. 

***

Hi!  Hope you're all well!

Today, I bought:

• A new messenger bag
• Two bras
• A "trendy" shirt
• Running pants
• Silver hoop earrings
• A DVD player

All for less than $150!

During a commercial break during football, I happened to flip over to the MTV VMAs to see what ridiculousness they were up to this year.  Instead, I found the best - and maybe most perfect - dedication to Michael Jackson I've seen yet.  How it ended brought me to tears.  And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

If you like dancing, try to catch it. 

I had an amazing day. 

• The Mouse (or Fred, as I now call him), still exists.  However, upon turning on the oven again, the scratching sound did not happen, and I am afraid to investigate further into my stove.  I'm into the dangerous sticking-my-hand-in-to-pull-out-pans-without-looking game right now.  
• It turns out the trap I had, which I thought Fred had outsmarted, is actually broken.  Now that I have a working trap, Fred is nowhere to be found.  (His prime appearance time is right about now.)
• First day of school.  TA today.  Trying to also write two speeches for Friday, send out a newsletter/blog, get people to be mentors, and get to the gym.  Oh, and work.  One of those things is not happening.  It's the thing that's supposed to help me run a 5k on Sunday.
• Stalker school friend is back in full effect.  A running jump-hug onto me in front of TA professor, then a text, during class, of "I heart you!" then when I left class early she called me and left a message about how she can't figure out how I snuck out without her knowing and to call her ASAP and it was so great to see me.  
• Having serious impostor syndrome, but also switching to "there are just wayyyyy too many expectations for me to fail at right now."
• I have a crush.  It's never going to happen.
• It never fails: sleepless night last night, zombie throughout the day, wide awake now that I can actually get some rest.

Whatever.  I've been freaking permagrin all day because my life kind of rocks right now, and even though I'm overwhelmed, it feels good.

So I'm frantically searching "how high a temperature can a mouse survive in?"

Because I'm freaking out that there's a mouse trapped in my stove and I didn't know it when I turned it on.  But the other night I saw another freaking mouse run from out and back under my stove and I was going to have my super come patch a hole or whatever this weekend and set out traps.  

But now my oven is on, and I know there are the typical creaking noises that come from a gas stove, but there's this...other sound happening now, sporadically, which could definitely be tiny claws trying to get out of a fiery death.

While a tiny part of me is feeling bad for the alleged mouse, most of me is just afraid to open my oven to a crispy carcass.  Someone please tell me a mouse can't survive 10 minutes of 400 degree pre-heating time!

Today I have eaten:

• One egg-white omelette with lowfat feta cheese
• a banana
• a piece of string cheese
• One cup of coffee and some water

I worked and had therapy.  I rode the subway six times today and walked probably five miles.  How is it that it's 9 p.m. and I am not really that hungry?  How is it that eating has somehow not become a priority to me?  Because you all know how much I love food.  I think maybe it's the lack of "meal time" in my days - my job is really active, and it seems as if I really only eat a meal if I go to dinner or have uninterrupted time to sit down to a meal.  Otherwise it's a handful of almonds here, an apple there, and I don't want to have a big meal when I'm just getting home at 9.

I'm trying to figure out how to work in real food that I don't have to pay a ton for but can still be "on the go" starting next week when I'll leave the house at 7:30 a.m. and not get home until 10 p.m. (at the earliest.)  This wasn't a problem with the last job because it wasn't active, I had a "meal time," and classes were earlier.  Hm.

• I am ridiculously sunburned after a fantastic weekend in Baltimore, which included a midnight walk around Edgar Allen Poe's estate (which was especially creepy given the fog.)  It was just so relaxing there.  So relaxing that I did not talk about work or President stuff the entire weekend, despite being there with the majority of my executive board. I slept all night, every night.  I went running during the day (which is good considering the Race for the Cure is in two weeks, and I'm so not ready.)  Just, relaxing.

• Relaxed is good for my shoulders and neck, which, thanks to several rounds of lidocaine shots and some acupuncture, are no longer spasming.  Hooray!

• It's starting to feel like fall.  School starts in eight days.  I am ready.  I'm ready to finally get to the action part of all of this anticipation.  I went to the market and got the kind of food I know I can eat when I'm at work all day and in class all night.  I also went to the gym on campus and "bought" a locker for the year so I can go to the gym any (every) time I'm on campus.  I'm very excited about this idea.  I also made a color-coded Excel spreadsheet of my schedule with commute, shower, eating, work, gym, and school times. 

• What I don't have ready:
  • My presentation and speech for Orientation
  • Books for class
  • A clean apartment
  • Rooms reserved for the events I need to advertise at said Orientation
  • A Netbook
  • Plane tickets to Kentucky for end of September for Grandma's 80th birthday (rental car already reserved)
  • Plane tickets and reserve rental car home for Thanksgiving

  (I'm sort of waiting for my loan refund to happen for those last three)

• My brother's girlfriend planned her baby shower for when I'm home for Thanksgiving.  She was originally planning for it to be at Christmas, and I told her not to plan it around me, but that I'm usually not home at Christmas, so now it's pushed up.  I haven't been home since February - the longest time I've gone without a trip home - and I'm already thinking I'm going to be really, really tired between:
  • Running a 5k on Thanksgiving morning
  • Having Dad's Thanksgiving
  • Having Mom's Thanksgiving
  • Seeing Katy's baby for the first time
  • Seeing Andrea's new baby for the first time
  • Seeing Courtney, Dora, Tom, Michael, and probably four or five other people
  • Going to Adrienne's bachelorette party
  • Baby shower
  • And, at some point, celebrating my birthday, which I'm sort of thinking isn't going to happen

So, what does one wear on a date when said date is a baseball game during weather in the 80's and possible storms?