My horoscope for today:

Let go of work matters -- at least until you get back there on Monday. You've done more than your part to take care of business. You're tired, you haven't had any fun in longer than you can remember and you can't really do any more than you've already done. There. Now that it's all been said, do you think you can actually give yourself a reprieve? Just for a couple of days? You know you deserve it.

I get to eat here tomorrow night:
http://www.magnoliagrill.net/dinner/appetizers.html

It is going to be AWESOME.

In which our protagonist plans and hosts a surprise double baby shower, attends a birthday party, and unexpectedly (as these things usually are) attends a funeral, all oddly correctly sequential, all within a 72-hour span of time.  Then, because she is too tired to really contemplate the fact that she witnessed the circle of life in a weekend, so she has a cocktail and starts cooking, instead.

No romantic love story, though.  Just the reality of my life.

Today, I came home from work and did the dishes.  It was probably the best ten minutes of my day.  I do really good thinking when I'm doing the dishes.  It's almost cathartic.  And I had an epiphany about a troubling work situation, too.  I'm almost sad I don't have more dishes to do.

I miss this part of life, the part where my main obligation of the day is to go to work, and I get out early enough to pick up dry cleaning and a few groceries, tidy up the apartment, eat a normal dinner.  I finished a book last night and realized in horror that I don't have something new to read tonight, because it's been so long that I've read for pleasure.

Then again, school may be hectic, but it couldn't be going better.  (*cough* straight As *cough*)

Happy.

So. I totally went out.

Here's why that's not hypocritical of my earlier post: I said my resolution was to spend more time with friends.  And I realized that spending NYE alone was, in fact, hypocritical in light of said resolution.  I also realized that some of the reasons I wasn't admitting to myself for not going out were about other people and not me (clarification: other's lack of boundaries and my need for them, but feelings of guilt for saying no to them and yes to someone else, hence saying no altogether.)

I also realized this might be the first year in ten years that I'm not ridiculously depressed on New Year's Eve, and that was probably coloring my judgment of how the night would go.  I'm actually happy, now, and I thought I should try that out for size.

I was content to stay home (and would have been fine if I did, I believe), and I was in the midst of preparations for dinner when I changed my mind.

And I'm really glad I did.  I had a great time.  Happy 2010, all.

A small part of me wouldn't mind getting swine flu (or regular flu) for that matter.  I really think it's the only relatively harmless way I could get people to stop expecting things of me, get some sleep, not wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours thinking about everything that's going wrong, for a few days, at least.

For the record, I'm not trying to get sick.  I am all about the hand washing and anti-bacterial gel.  I am not getting a flu shot, but I never have before, either.

***

In happy-yet-related-to-my-misery news, I think I've found my life's calling (aka, what I want to research for my thesis and could actually see myself committing to researching for the rest of my life/get my PhD/become known for.)  Seeing as I've spent the last 9 or 10 years trying to figure out what I'm passionate about, I'm pretty damn exciting about it, even if it was kind of obvious and is boring to most people.  It's communication - specifically, communication as it relates to everything that goes on in an organization: performance feedback, organizational commitment, perceived organizational justice, organizational identity, information flow and efficiency, conflict and resolution...the list goes on and on.  I'm in the middle of coming up with a proprietary system for interdisciplinary pain management providers who are co-treating patients to develop and communicate treatment plans with the patient and each other (the latter of which is more difficult, as it were.)  There is a bit of research out there, but not on practice models like the one I'm in, which is becoming a more prevalent model in this changing health care landscape.

That may have just been an introductory statement for my thesis proposal.  Huh.

I broke a glass on my rug.  Since it's carpet I can't sweep it, and I lost my Dustbuster charger during the move, so I put a towel over the area after I picked up the shards so I can still walk around without the fear of glass in my foot until I buy a new vacuum solution.

It's been 8 days.  In 8 days I have been too busy working, going to class, being at events, answering emails, planning meetings, traveling, teaching, grading, meeting, consulting, mentoring, writing, and studying to purchase something with which to suck glass out of my rug.

I am taking Sunday "off," and my biggest fear is that I will be too tired/unmotivated/needing to stay in bed all day to even go out to solve this problem.

I'm so busy that I look at school as a social event.
I'm so busy my boss is offering to grocery shop for me and giving me a raise.
I'm so busy I can only fall asleep after my alarm clock goes off. (I had a whole comedy routine about this in my head this morning.)

The thing is, I'm really happy (albeit exhausted), and I really just need another me to be tending to the laundry, dry cleaning and dishes, calling my friends, and running to train for that theoretical 10k in two weeks. 

***

Hi!  Hope you're all well!

Today, I bought:

• A new messenger bag
• Two bras
• A "trendy" shirt
• Running pants
• Silver hoop earrings
• A DVD player

All for less than $150!

During a commercial break during football, I happened to flip over to the MTV VMAs to see what ridiculousness they were up to this year.  Instead, I found the best - and maybe most perfect - dedication to Michael Jackson I've seen yet.  How it ended brought me to tears.  And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

If you like dancing, try to catch it. 

I had an amazing day.